A man is in his house when heavy rains start falling. The water begins to rise, and before long it becomes a major flood. The roads are covered in water making driving impossible. After awhile, a boat comes along.
A rescue worker in the boat yells, “Come on! We’re here to save you! Get in the boat!”
The guy in the house responds, “No! I’ve got faith in God. He will save me!”
After an unsuccessful rescue attempt, the boat leaves. The water continues to rise, and the he is forced up to the second floor of his home.
The county sheriff’s boat comes along, and the sheriff yells, “Come on! You are going to drown if you don’t get in the boat.”
From his second floor window the guy says, “No! I’ll be okay! I have faith God will save me.” The boat moves on.
The house, except for a small part on the roof, is submerged in water. The guy is on the roof as a helicopter hovers overhead. The pilot shouts out, “This is your last chance! Climb up the ladder to safety! If you don’t come now you’re going to drown!”
The guy hollers, “No, thanks! God is going to save me!” The pilot shrugs his shoulders and flies away.
The house is covered, and the guy is swept away by the flood waters. He ascends to the Pearly Gates, where God is waiting for his arrival.
He asks God, “What happened? I have been devoted to you and had absolute faith that you would save me. Why did you let me down?”
God answers back, “What more do you want? I sent you two boats and a helicopter!”
Children Are Quick
TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using the tables.
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is...
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.....
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
The backwards dog.
This dog got it all wrong. Instead of chasing the car, he runs ahead of the car and let the car (tapir) chase him. But he has fun and does it all day.
See the video on youtube at
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Socialism, Communism, etc.
SOCIALISM - You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone else.
COMMUNISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and gives you the milk.
FASCISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and sells you the milk.
NAZISM - You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
CAPITALISM - You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
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